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Home News

Salone is open for business Dear Investor

by Awoko Publications
02/11/2012
in News
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Welcome to beautiful (swit salone). This is a land of tremendous opportunities for securing mouth watering returns on your investments. We have more minerals than we know of, and we are willing to part with them in the interest of the nation, and a small amount to our personal deposits in Rumania etc.
Did I hear you mention lawlessness in the country?
Don’t worry my friends; the police are here to protect you. Just recently they received new and sophisticated weapons to “control” any group that dares to complain over what some erroneously consider as your unfair practices.
The police are under strict orders to deal with any so-called peaceful protestor. Less than three months ago the police proved that the arms were worth the inflated cost they shot an innocent bystander at a protest against a friendly mining company.
And take no notice of these Civil Society traitors who catalogue your bad behaviour. One of our parliamentarians has already warned them that raising issues publicly is tantamount to being unpatriotic. If they continue, we will begin to arraign them in court for treason.
You see, your allies, the leadership are here to protect you. They are ready to tell the whole world what a wonderful job you are doing. In fact you do not need public relations officers, our leaders will go to the media for you.
For free, they will announce that the western world do not want us to develop and do not recognise the major role you are playing in lifting the people out of poverty. And as for the people, we the leaders have informed them that “half a loaf of bread is better than nothing.” It does not matter that you take away not only the rest of the bread, but the coffee, the cocoa, the sugar … in fact everything else needed for just one full meal in a day.
We have explained to our brothers and sisters that this is what development is all about; HARDSHIP. If prices go up, they should blame the “global” price system.
Hence, if you are worried about political risk from the downtrodden population, trust me, there is nothing to worry about.
Pardon, are you murmuring nationalisation, and the Local Contents Law? No problem, we have it all worked out. As long as we get a few jobs for our political supporters, no one will monitor you.
Relax my friends, we are allies, and our children are also being groomed to take over from us in the same mode. YOU ARE PROTECTED!!!
Just to prove this point you must have noticed that a number of your colleagues are getting contracts for 99 years, 50 years, 30 years and so on.
Talking about children, we have appointed some young ones with little experience in positions that even you would covet. To illustrate we have someone just coming out of college running our pension funds and deciding on how the hard-earned pensions of our suffering masses millions of dollars are to be invested. If you are ever short of money, let us know and we will instruct him to invest in your business.
Envious minds are rumouring that he spends money like the son of the Equatorial Guinea’s President. So what?
And by the way should you insist on launching a “clean/correct” business there is plenty of money to be made too. If you do not believe me, visit the website of our largest investor and you will note that they expect a return of 40% on their investment. Furthermore, in the local money market, you can become rich by merely purchasing treasury bills at the rate of20+ % and then collect your interest upfront! Take a loan from your home country at 10% then off-lend it here at 20%; sit back and laugh as you reap massive profits, and take your interest gains away. Can you find a better place to make money.
Allow me to let you into a secret. I know many of you come here primarily for minerals, but the experienced ones are branching out. Take Atrick-Am-Minerals, the company sitting on over ten billions of ores, they are now moving into infrastructure, and petroleum, and rumour has it that they will soon join the land grabbing group.
No one complains that they are managing our ores badly and lying to us about what they will produce. Even the IMF help to explain their wrong figures. This is that we have gone through all of this before under the late magnate we had called Jah Mill. From diamonds he moved to fishing and before you knew it they say he was controlling cabinet!!!
Our media folks make no noise, thanks to the craftiness of Atrick-Am-Minerals. It legitimately pays for full page advertisements when it wants to recruit drivers etc regularly. If any of the papers dare write something negative, it will get no more full page adverts; simple. No one can call that a bribe, no?
By the way our officials too get part of the crumbs you leave behind, they even fight among each other to be the favoured ones to pilot you to greener pastures. Naturally a small something (10%) to them for their efforts is expected.
Come now do not complain about our laws.
All you have to do is tell us what you do not like and we’ll change them. To prove it, you must know that the IMF tried to suggest laws to improve mineral revenues.
We rejected the draft law because colleagues in the oil industry advised us not to adopt it. In any case even if we had taken the law to parliament, you could have blocked it there. As you must know, our parliamentarians have demonstrated their readiness to pass whatever your people want. Did you notice how they passed 8 Oil Agreements with little debate recently?
Oh I forgot to mention that apart from minerals, roads, health, communications, – you name it, are all open for business; Salone style. Present your proposal stating that it will cost us nothing, then give the Minister a small something and he or she will sign an MOU.
Here Ministers sign MOUs with little reference to the Law Officers Dept. (admittedly, some take law officers along for the negotiation then ignore them) giving you the opportunity to insert whatever you wish. Once you get the MOU, you proceed to financiers waving the MOU that provides all the guarantees required for a loan. I must advise you though, do not forget to give the Minister his commission. Unfortunately Ministers are wiser (wealthier) now; in the early days they will accept a few hundred with gratitude but now that they play with big money, am afraid you too must rise up to the occasion.
Let me stop for now.
In my other letters I will explain to you in detail how your friends who are here already reap off the country and how our authorities enjoy the experience; before that I must advise my countrymen about the forthcoming elections.

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